Vocations of the Lutheran Homeschool Family Part 2: Consider Your Place in Life: Are you a father, mother, son, daughter, husband, wife, or worker?

You can watch the original presentation of this paper here.

Holy Cross Lutheran Church Homeschool Conference: O, Blest the House

Pastor James Preus

May 11, 2024

Now, the astute devotee of Luther’s Small Catechism, of which I expect to find many in this room, will recognize the title of this second session from the fifth chief part of the Catechism on Confession: Which are these (that is, which are these sins which we know and feel in our heart, which we should confess)? That means that these questions are meant to work as the second use of the law, the mirror, which brings about a convicted conscience, so that you repent. However, I am using this passage to invoke the third use of the law, the guide. (I hope you are all familiar with the three uses of the Law. The first use is the curb, which seeks to prevent gross outbreaks of sin. The second use is the mirror, which shows us our sin and our need for a Savior. The third use is the guide, which the Christian uses to do the good he desires to do according to his new birth).  But we must remember that there are not certain commandments meant for the second use of the law and others for the third use of the law. There is one law, which is the immutable will of God for how we should live our lives. The chief use of the law is to show us our sin and need for a Savior, which is the second use. However, having been regenerated by the Holy Spirit, we desire to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which we have been called. So, the new man uses the law in this third use as a guide, so that he knows how he should live before God and can use it to curb the impulses of the sinful flesh, which still plague him.

So, the primal call we all share, whether we are husbands, wives, mothers, fathers, children, teachers, or students, is the call of the Gospel, which is received through faith. Our stations in life, which we call vocations, are given to us according to the law. However, the natural person cannot fulfill the law. This is why I spent the first session emphasizing the one call you all have in common, the call to be a Christian. That is the call of the Gospel, which is received through faith alone. Before (without) faith, the law can only accuse. And without faith it is impossible to please God (Hebrews 11:6). And whatever is done without faith is sin (Romans 14:23). So, when we deal with the third use of the law, we do not deal with Law and Gospel the way we do with the second use of the law: Law first to bring you to repentance, Gospel second to console the contrite heart. Rather, the third use is used after the Gospel, because only the Gospel can produce the desire and ability to use the law as a guide.

As with the Gospel, the law too has a universal application, that is, it treats everyone the same, regardless of your station in life as father, mother, son, or daughter. All of you are called to love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind (Deut. 6:5) and your neighbor as your self (Lev. 19:18; Matthew 22:37-40). Whatever your position in the homeschool family is, you fail to fulfill it if you fail to love. St. Paul writes in Romans 13, “Owe no one anything except to love one another, for he who loves another has fulfilled the law. 9 For the commandments, ‘You shall not commit adultery,’ ‘You shall not murder,’ ‘You shall not steal,’ ‘You shall not bear false witness,’ ‘You shall not covet,’ and if there is any other commandment, are all summed up in this saying, namely, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ 10 Love does no harm to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.” (13:8-10)

So, the heart of every vocation is the same: love. If you are not working toward the aim of loving God, your spouse or child or parent, then you are failing in your vocation as a homeschool parent, teacher, or student. And it is impossible to love, unless you first receive God’s love through faith, as St. John writes, “We love, because He first loved us.” (1 John 4:19)

Yet, Romans 13 is also a good jumping off point to focus on the diverse “vocations” in the homeschool family and in society in general, the various tributaries of love, which flow from faith in Christ. St. Paul writes, “Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God. Therefore, whoever resists the authorities resists what God has appointed, and those who resist will incur judgment.” (Romans 13:1-2)

All authority comes from God. There is no authority exercised on earth apart from God giving it. The Greek word for authority is ἐξουσία. It can also be translated as right. Our rights come from God. That isn’t something Thomas Jefferson made up. You have no rights and no authority except that which is given to you by God. If God does not give you authority to do something, then you do not have the authority to do it. You have no right to do it. Martin Luther divides this God given authority on earth into three estates in his Large Catechism: The Church, the State, and the Family. These three types of authority can also be called three types of fathers: the state father, the church father, and the house father. All authority given to man is divided into these three estates. This is what Luther is referring to when he explains the Fourth Commandment in the Small Catechism, “We should fear and love God so that we do not despise or anger our parents and other authorities, but honor them, serve and obey them, love and cherish them.”

However, of these three estates, state, church, and family, the family is most important and held in the highest honor. Luther explains in the Large Catechism on the sixth Commandment, “Marriage should be regarded as it is in God’s Word, where it is adorned and sanctified. It is not only placed on an equality with other estates, but it comes first and surpasses them all—emperor, princes, bishops, or whoever they please. For both Church and civil estates must humble themselves and all be found in this estate, as we shall hear.”[1]

To the church father, God has given authority over the soul, but not the body. The church must forgive and retain sins, preach the Law and the Gospel, and make clear the way of salvation. But the church has no authority over the body, to imprison or put to death, to protect property or take up arms. To the state father, God has given authority over the body, but not the soul. The Government must protect property and take up arms, imprison and put to death. But to the house father, God has given authority both over the body and the soul. The house father must feed, clothe, teach, defend, take up arms, imprison, as well as forgive and retain sins, preach the Law and the Gospel, and make clear the way of salvation. The family is the proto-church and the proto-state. Before God instituted the Levitical priesthood or Christ sent out His Apostles, Adam, Noah, Shem, Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob preached the word of God to their households, offered sacrifices, and made prayers for their families. Before any governments were instituted among men, these same patriarchs took up arms, protected property, judged and passed sentences, even put to death. There is no authority that the Church or the government exercises, which has not been taken either voluntarily or mandatorily from the family. And still today, the house father must recognize his authority and responsibility to protect and provide for the body and care and nurture for the soul before either the government or the church. So, within the Christian family, there exists fundamentally, all authority that God has given to mankind on earth.

There is no special vocation to be a homeschool parent. Rather, there is the vocation to be a Christian parent. Moses commands the Israelite family, “Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. 5 You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. 6 And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. 7 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. 8 You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. 9 You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.” (Deut. 6:4-9) St. Paul exhorts the Christian father, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” (Eph. 6:4) And Solomon instructs every parent, “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old, he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6)

You do not homeschool your children, because you feel some special call to be a homeschool parent. You homeschool your children, because you believe this is the best way for you to fulfill your calling to be a Christian parent. But you would have this divine vocation whether you chose homeschooling or not. When you look at it this way, you stop looking at homeschooling as intrinsically more time consuming than sending your kid to public school. Because the goal of educating your child is for him to love God with all his heart, soul, strength, and mind, and his neighbor as himself, to be faithful to that primal call to be a Christian, to prepare him to defend his faith and serve his neighbor in his station in life, to be a faithful husband or wife, a devout father or mother. The parents who send their children to government schools must work that much harder and spend that much more time guarding against and often undoing the harm done by anti-Christian doctrines and examples. Your child’s education is not simply a box to check off. This is bringing your child up in the way he should go, so that he will not depart from it when he is older.

Neither the government nor the church has the right and authority to educate your children without your consent. Martin Luther writes again in the Large Catechism under the Fourth Commandment, “In this commandment belongs a further statement about all kinds of obedience to persons in authority who have to command and to govern. For all authority flows and is born from the authority of parents. Where a father is unable alone to educate his <rebellious and irritable> child, he uses a school master to teach the child. If he is too weak, he gets the help of his friends and neighbors. If he departs this life, he delegates and confers his authority and government upon others who are appointed for the purpose.”[2]

So, the homeschool parent does not take on an additional or different vocation than the parents who send their kids to public or parochial school. It is your God given responsibility to educate your children, teach them the Gospel and godly virtues, setting before them the ever-present duty to love the Lord God with all their heart, soul, strength, and mind and their neighbors as themselves. Homeschooling is simply delegating less of this job than we have historically done. And many of us feel compelled to homeschool, because of the desolation of our parochial Lutheran schools and the increasingly hostile and insufficient state of the government schools. But even if you send your kids to a Lutheran school or out of necessity, to the public school, your vocation, your office, your God given authority does not change. You are still responsible to see to it that your child is educated and brought up in Christian love and discipline.

We start with the father and husband. In the beginning God created man. When He created man, he first created a man, a male. The father is the head of his home. He is the head of his wife (1 Corinthians 11:3; Ephesians 5:23). And he is the primary authority over his children. I know this is sexist. By almost every definition, I am a sexist. But I am not as sexist as God, because it was He who created them male and female.

Men, this is a tremendous responsibility and weight upon your shoulders. Every responsibility I have mentions so far, taking your family to church every week, leading them in devotions, setting an example of talking theology, providing, protecting, feeding, clothing, disciplining, forgiving, is laid squarely on your shoulders. This is why it is important, first of all, that you take upon yourself Jesus’ yoke and His burden, for it is light and easy. You cannot do the task that is before you without the grace of Jesus Christ, His forgiveness and peace. Legalism will not get you through it. Strict regiments will not get you through it. Reading how-to-books and listening to the Art of Manliness Podcast won’t get you through it.

The only thing that can give you the heart and strength to carry out this profound task is the Gospel of Jesus Christ, that He suffered and died to take away your sins, and that He offers you that free forgiveness and salvation through His holy Word and Sacraments. These Word and Sacraments are the instruments by which the Holy Spirit renews your heart and lays Christ’s easy yoke and light burden on you, so that you may go about your work with joy and confidence that the LORD is building the house. By the way, that word for house in Psalm 127, where it says, “Unless the LORD build the house, those who build it labor in vain,” is בַּיִת, which cannot only be translated as house, but as household. And in the context of the whole Psalm, household would actually be a better translation. Verses 3-5 state, “Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them. He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.” So, the Psalmist Solomon is not talking about building a house of timber and stone, but of having children and raising them in the fear and instruction of the LORD. And unless you put on Jesus’ yoke and burden by hearing and believing the Gospel, your work is in vain. Yet, when you turn to the Gospel, the LORD will establish your household.

Now, lets look at the responsibilities of father in detail. The father ought to bring his children to church every Sunday. As I explained before, every member of the household should go to church every Sunday. It is the father’s responsibility to make sure his children are in church. He must not send them. He must lead by example. If he sends them to church with their mother or with some other member of the church, but he doesn’t go himself, he almost might as well as not send them at all. Children learn from the example of their fathers. And statistics have borne this out. Children who go to church with only their mother, but their father doesn’t go, are more likely to not go to church when they are adults than they are to go. Children who go to church with both their father and their mother are more likely to go to church when they are adults than they are not to go. And children who go to church with only their father, and not their mother are more likely to go to church when they are adults than not.[3]

Fathers, you are the head of your home whether you like it or not. And if you are a deadbeat dad, who doesn’t care about the spiritual care of your children, then your household has a deadbeat head. You must recognize that God has given you the responsibility first, before your wife, before the pastor, before the government, before anyone on earth, to make sure that your children go to church. The buck stops with you. And you will be held accountable for how you raised your children.

This means that no one has the authority to overrule you in this matter. The sports director or coach does not have the authority to tell your kid to skip church. The sports director and coach work for you to teach your kid about sportsmanship at your pleasure. He has no business overruling you and God and telling your child to sin against the Third Commandment. Likewise with employment. A teenager living at home should never miss church to go to work. The work they do is by all measures, menial and not an emergency. There are plenty of heathen who will work on Sunday mornings. If there weren’t, then these establishments would be closed on Sundays. It is not your child’s fault that we live in a heathen nation. But it is your fault if you do not teach your child to set simple boundaries. If your teenager can’t turn down $7.15 an hour so that he can go to church and receive Christ’s grace and worship Him, there is not a chance that he will turn down a job paying hundreds of thousands of dollars a year, but demands so much time from him that he cannot go to church. Man does not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God (Matthew 4:4; Deuteronomy 8:3). You teach this to your child when you tell him to tell his employer that he does not work on Sunday mornings and when you call the employer when he thinks he can ignore your kid and tell him what’s what. You deny this truth when you passively let another man or woman tell your kid what to do against God’s command to you.

What does it say at the heading of each of the six chief parts of Luther’s Small Catechism? “As the head of the family should teach it in a simple way to his household.” What does it say under the section for daily prayers? “How the head of the family should teach his household to pray morning and evening.” Dads, husbands, this is your responsibility. It is not your wife’s job. It is not your pastor’s job. It is certainly not the Sunday School volunteer’s job. It is your job. When you lead your family in devotions every day, you do two things. First, you teach them the very living Word of God, which has the power to save souls and empower your wife and children for their respective vocations. Second, it sets an example for what is important. What you do is much more important than what you say. Your children learn from you. And when you put down your phone, gather your kids and wife together, and say devotions with them, even if your children do not remember what is said, they will remember that you devoted that time to God’s Word.

Finally, fathers, you need to talk theology with your children. This will come naturally if you regularly go to church and have devotions. But it cannot be delegated to church and prayer time. Ask your children questions. Talk about theological topics in front of them that you don’t think they could possibly understand, and watch them prove you wrong! Sing hymns with them during devotions, and you will hear them singing them at all hours of the day. This is how you cultivate the mutual conversation and consolation of the brethren in your home. The mutual conversation and consolation of the brethren is a means of grace where Christians share the Gospel with one another in their daily living. If your kids can name all the starters on the Green Bay Packers, but they don’t know the difference between the real presence in the Lord’s Supper or what the Baptists do, then that should be a life-check that you need to make some adjustments.

Men, you cannot be selfish. Take to heart the words of St. Paul, “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her, that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that He might present the church to Himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hates his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of His body.” (Ephesians 5:25-31) Husbands, you are Christ’s representatives to your household. Not only your wife, but your children within your home as an extension of her, are your body, which you should cherish, and even lay down your life for. Your choices in life, where you work, how often you spend time on your hobbies, how you educate your children, what burdens you lay and do not lay on your wife, must all be determined according to your call to be a Christian. And it is your responsibility to make sure that they receive everything they need for their vocation as Christians.

Women, wives, and mothers, you are equal co-heirs to God’s gift of life with your husbands. You are not inferior them. You are not less precious. According to the Gospel of Christ, there is no male and female. Yet, according to your station as a wife and mother, there is a distinction. You are the body. He is the head. Yet, the body and head obviously do not have separate goals. Your goal for your Lutheran homeschool family are the same as his. You are one flesh. And you share his authority over your children and the responsibility to care for their bodies and souls.

In Genesis 2, God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” (vs. 18) That word for helper in Hebrew is עֵזֶר. This is no mean title. In fact, God is often called the helper of man (Deut. 33:7, 26, 29, Psalm 33:20; Psalm 70:5; Psalm 146:5; Hosea 13:9). Yet, in this sense, the woman is clearly not taught to be man’s Savior. She is a helper. God has given man dominion. He has given the woman to man to share in that dominion. But she is still a helper. St. Peter calls her the weaker vessel (1 Peter 3:7). People get upset at that. They think that is belittling to women. But I tell you the truth, men, if you do not consider your wife the weaker vessel, you will mistreat her. Even strong women are weak. And it is your job, husbands, to recognize that and not to lay on them more than they can bear.

I say this, because I believe that in most homeschool families, it is the mother who is the doer. She plans, she purchases the curriculum, and she teaches. This is natural, because with homeschool families, normally it is the father who has a full-time job and the mother is either a stay-at-home mom, or at least doesn’t work full time. But husbands, you must remember, as with sending your kids to public school or to a parochial school, you are still responsible for your child’s education when you homeschool. And this is all the more important, because you should not only be concerned with the quality of education your children are receiving, whether that is from a public school, parochial school, or your wife, but you are concerned for your wife’s wellbeing. You need to pay attention to her needs and weaknesses. I say this as a father who himself does significantly less than his wife with regards to homeschooling.

And I’m not simply talking about how much time each spouse spends teaching. What father is able to teach more classes than his wife if he is working full time and she is at home with the kids? And many of us will have wives helping us like Joseph helped Potiphar and Pharoah, so that these men did not have to worry about anything while Joseph was managing their house and kingdom. Yet, Potiphar remained the master of the house, and Pharoah remained the king of Egypt, and you remain the head of your home, even if you teach one of the 101 first reading lessons. Wives it is a wonderful thing for you to take care of everything regarding the education of your children, so that your husband does not have to worry about it. But husbands, you cannot leave this burden on your wives. You need to check in on them, listen to their reports of how things are going, and be ready to lead. And wives, you should encourage your husband in this role of leadership.

Mothers should be on the same page with their husbands in going to church every Sunday, having daily devotions, and talking theology with their children. And, as happens too often, if the father fails in this regard, continue to show him respect, honor him, and submit to him, so that without a word you may win his soul (1 Peter 3:1). You do not only submit to your husband, whether he is an outstanding Christian example or a failure, for his sake, but also for the sake of your children, especially your daughters. Women are not to teach publicly in the church (1 Timothy 2:12), but they certainly are to teach their children in the home (2 Timothy 1:5) and to teach younger women how to live Christian lives (Titus 2:3-5), so that their daughters may grow up to be pious, faithful Christian wives and mothers, and so their sons may learn to be respectable, pious, Christian husbands and fathers.

Finally, children and students, what is your vocation. It is put simply in the fourth commandment, “Honor your father and your mother, which is the first commandment with a promise, that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” (Ephesians 6:3). Children should obey their parents. They should do their chores when they are told. Get ready for church, come when called for devotions, and speak reverently and respectfully. Children should listen to their lessons, and do their assignments without complaint. They should not whine when they have to make corrections or run off and play instead of doing their work while their mother is distracted.

Although children are young and immature, their station in life is no less important than that of the father and mother. They are given the distinct privilege to honor God Himself by showing honor to their parents. Martin Luther writes in the Large Catechism:

To the position of fatherhood and motherhood God has given special distinction above all positions that are beneath it: He does not simply command us to love our parents, but to honor them. Regarding our brothers, sisters, and neighbors in general, He commands nothing more than that we love them [Matthew 22:39; 1 John 3:14]. In this way He separates and distinguishes father and mother from all other persons upon earth and places them at His side. For it is a far higher thing to honor someone than to love someone, because honor includes not only love, but also modesty, humility, and submission to a majesty hidden in them. Honor requires not only that parents be addressed kindly and with reverence, but also that, both in the heart and with the body, we demonstrate that we value them very highly, and that next to God, we regard them as the very highest. For someone we honor from the heart we must also truly regard as high.[4]

Luther then goes on to advise children not to despise their parents when they realize how lowly, poor, frail, and strange they may be. This also means that children are called to forgive their parents when they do wrong. When they honor their parents, they are honoring God. And children in Christian households, who recognize the primal call of the Gospel as the chief vocation, which establishes every other station in life, are truly blessed. Because, in their household, they receive everything needed for eternal salvation! St. Paul writes to Timothy in his second letter, “I am reminded of your sincere faith, a faith that dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice and now, I am sure, dwells in you as well.” (2 Timothy 1:5) and later on in the same letter, he writes, “But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have firmly believed, knowing from whom you learned it and how from childhood you have been acquainted with the sacred writings, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus.” (2 Timothy 3:14-15) Timothy was taught Holy Scripture at home, where the saving faith was first cultivated in his heart. And so, children of faithful Christian parents are blessed, when their parents bring them to church, have devotions with them, and teach them God’s holy Word when they lie down and rise, when they sit and when they go.

Your child’s vocation is not to be a professional ball player, nor is it to work at Culvers or McDonalds. Your child’s vocation is to believe in the LORD Jesus Christ for salvation and to love God and his neighbor. And in loving God and his neighbor, your child is called to honor and obey you, to do the work and task you give him to do.

There are many parents, who try to be the cool parents and be their children’s best friends. And many conservative parents react against this and say, “I am not my child’s friend; I’m his parent.” But do not react like that. You are your children’s friend, their best friend. God called Abraham and Moses His friends (Isaiah 41:8; Exodus 33:11). A friend does not mean your equal. Neither does a friend mean someone who lets the other do whatever he wants even to his own destruction. A friend is someone you love and who loves you. Jesus told His disciples, that He called them His friends, not because they were His equals, but because He was telling them what He was doing (John 15:15). So, you are called to be your children’s friends. And children, you are called to be your parents’ friends. This means, that you love each other, talk theology with each other, confess your faith to one another, and forgive one another.

Neither father nor mother nor children have a vocation, which contradicts the primal vocation to be a Christian. Your vocation never requires you to hate your neighbor, slander him, steal from him, or otherwise sin against him. While God does give authority to humans to judge and even to punish, so that the government may imprison and put to death and parents may discipline their children, no one is permitted to obey man rather than God (Acts 5:29). All authority comes from God, and there is no authority except that which comes from God. God does not tell you to refuse reconciliation. God does not tell you to despise His Word. God does not tell you to hate and defame. God’s Word tells you to love.

What is commonly called vocation, which are really stations in life, is law. It is what God commands you to do in this life according to the Ten Commandments. We approached vocation the only way we can, which is through the Third Use of the Law, approaching the Law as those who believe the Gospel and desire to do what pleases God. Yet, because of our fallen sinful flesh, we are not capable of simply following the Law perfectly as our guide. The title of this section comes from the Fifth Part of the Small Catechism, “Consider your place in life according to the Ten Commandments: Are you a father, mother, son, daughter, husband wife or worker? Have you been disobedient, unfaithful, or lazy? Have you been hot-tempered, rude, or quarrelsome? Have you hurt someone by your words or deeds? Have you stolen, been negligent, wasted anything, or done any harm?” Well, have you?

So, we always must go back to where we started, our Primal Call to be Christians. Christ Jesus has suffered and died for our sins. God the Father declares us righteous for Jesus’ sake by grace through faith in Him. And this isn’t simply knowledge we need to have in the back of our mind. We need to receive this forgiveness every day. We must repent of our failures as fathers, husbands, superintendents, and principles, as mothers, wives, and instructors, and as sons, daughters, and students. And we must trust in that inexhaustible forgiveness, which pours from Jesus’ side. Only then can we bear the yoke of our station in life. Only then can we walk in love toward God and our neighbor, forgiving their faults against us. And when we return in repentance and faith to Christ, as He has called us to do, He promises that all the rest will be added unto us. And we can trust Him that He will bless our labor and our schooling. Amen. 

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[1] Large Catechism, 209.

[2] Large Catechism, 141.

[3] “According to data collected by Promise Keepers and Baptist Press, if a father does not go to church, even if his wife does, only 1 child in 50 will become a regular worshiper. If a father does go regularly, regardless of what the mother does, between two-thirds and three-quarters of their children will attend church as adults. If a father attends church irregularly, between half and two-thirds of their kids will attend church with some regularity as adults.

If a mother does not go to church, but a father does, a minimum of two-thirds of their children will end up attending church. In contrast, if a father does not go to church, but the mother does, on average two-thirds of their children will not attend church.” https://nickcady.org/2016/06/20/the-impact-on-kids-of-dads-faith-and-church-attendance/

[4] Large Catechism, 105-107.